After a disastrous (and frankly quite embarrassing) order mix up, the major ship lieutenant general commander in charge of naval warfare aboard the vessel Her Majesty’s Left Elbow Crook received a rather large number of *Milk tarts instead of war heads.
(*Milk tarts are a South African dessert that no sane person actually enjoys eating. They taste revolting. Example; After enjoying their afternoon braai, the Van der Merwers sat down, each with a piece of Milk tart, to eat while watching the rugby. Brandon, the youngest of the family, thought to himself; Jura boet, I can’t stand this stuff, but I don’t want to get a klap for not eating my kos, maybe I’ll learn to like it one day, it is a part of our heritage I guess. Brandon never grew to enjoy the sickly tart.)
Back to Her Majesty’s Left Elbow Crook. This mix up really couldn’t have happened at a worse time seeing as though The Greater British Isles were currently engaged in a war with Kiribati over some phosphate misunderstanding. That’s not important. What is important is that Her Majesty’s Left Elbow Crook was about to engage in a skirmish and she was woefully unprepared to sink an enemy vessel.
But then the major ship lieutenant general commander in charge of naval warfare remembered what one of the grunts aboard the ship had muttered when he was thought to be out of ear-shot; “Enough Milk tart in here to sink a ship.” Simply ludicrous, but also, just what was needed at the moment.
So how could one sink a ship by making use of, for theories sake, an unlimited supply of Milk tart? Well that’s just the question. Simply over-ladening a ship with the too-white gooey substance until said vessel’s carrying capacity is exceeded is a little too obvious. You can do better than that. How can we be more efficient in taking down the water-bound enemy? Excessively over-loading one side of a ship until it keels over would perhaps need fewer Milk tarts, and thus would be more efficient even though the premise is much the same and still not very creative.
We could perhaps drop a large, highly compressed, and thus hopefully dense, ball of Milk tarts out of the sky, positioned to land right on the nose of the ship. Hey maybe it’ll do a front flip? Wouldn’t that be something? Definitely a more creative solution. If efficiency is your main goal, perhaps stuffing a lower compartment with the sweet treat and then freezing the whole unstomachable mass until it expands and ruptures the hull is the way to go.
And of course, I would salute any person that flat out denied to treat the ammunition any differently just because it was now suddenly made of sugar and flour. It surely would be a strange day loading up the cannons with sticky white cake and firing away until somehow, someway, the enemy ships slithered into the depths consumed by vast mountains of repugnant white loaf (It definitely wouldn’t happen but a man can dream).