The horizontal tree is loud. Some might even call it noisy. They’d be right of course; it can be heard around the block with its creaking knee and metal vertebrae.
“Now hey, trees aren’t composed of metal.” Some may say. And they’d be right of course. Trees are not composed of metal. It’s all quite tricky you see.
“Wait a minute, I was so hung up on the metal I completely glossed over the idea of a tree having a knee, that can’t be correct, you must have misspoken.” Others might say. And again, they would also be correct of course. Trees don’t have knees.
This all just begs the question though, how would the horizontal tree locomote if it had not a knee nor metal vertebrae? You see most trees do not locomote very efficiently, the horizontal tree makes it look like a walk in the park compared to your regular Pine. That is except for the creaking and groaning.
“Now hold on buddy, this whole thing is getting a bit out of hand, wouldn’t you say? I mean, I am starting to think you don’t know what a tree even looks like.”
“Of course I know what a tree looks like, and I know most importantly, that you can burn trees.”
“Why should that be most important when one is considering what is or isn’t a tree?
“Well it denotes the material of make-up of the tree. Do you know what burns?”
“Wood?”
“Precisely. And I know for a fact that my garage door would burst into flame if confronted by a well-tended, open flame.”
“…you’re just a loon is all you are.”
The horizontal tree is made out of parallel slats of varnished wood. Varnished to keep out comments like; “Oh you aren’t a real tree” or “Trees need to be alive to be considered trees.” It’s all a matter of self-opinion at the end of the day.